Saturday, December 29, 2012

There's a silver lining in every casket!

I was just thinking about how the Sandy Hook Massacre* can be a teaching moment, aside from the one about our absolute NEED for MORE GUNZ!

There are probably few, if any, online "Baby Coffins 'R' Us" type websites. All of those parents who, in addition to beating themselves up for not teaching their kids the Sacred Four Rules of Gunz--and making sure that they had a Glock in their daypack when they got on the schoolbus AND having to go online and order an SUV load of gunz'n'ammo so's they can make sure that this will never happen,
Y'know what else they had to do? They had to find those special hobbit dimensioned   Kiddie Kaskets for their babeez, the babeez that they let down by not making sure that Eddie Eagle Pre-K was part of the child's curriculum.

I see a great opportunity here, for an entrepreneur with vision, marketing skills and and the ability to do quick turn arounds in those times when the customer is dying to get their hands on product**. And, btw, have you seen the available stock from companies like this:


Yeah, sure if your kid was fast trackin' for the convent or seminary, great choices. But, if you want my opinion, what you need to do is speak to what the kid woulda wanted. I'm seein' caskets with motifs like this:

or this:

or even this one:

I know, I know, some people are going to say, "TOOOOOO soon!", well, that's what they said about selling those hankies dipped in John Dillinger's blood after Jedgerhoover, the ultimate "Good guy with a gun", burned him down like a Hobo Jungle shanty.

Besides, I can tell you from experience that there is no easier mark than a bereaved ‘rent, you can take that to the bank.

There's something else that I think should not be overlooked, here.

Those kids were all from decent homes, some of them quite affluent. Ya gotta wonder how many of them had a 529 college fund? Well, ya'do, doncha? Anyway, when the beneficiary (hereinafter referred to as "the kid") dies, guess what, you get the money back! I'm guessing that you gotta pay taxes on it, unless you put it in post tax or re-invest it in something like munibonds or some other sheltered vehicle. Now, who's gonna know alla the ins'n'outs of how to handle that "deadfall" of free cash? YOU, that's who.

IF you have had the foresight to bone up on 529 rules and all of the ways to beat the IRS outta their blood money (sorry, I couldn't help myself).

So, you got a few grand that you weren't expecting to see, ever? Why not put it to work? You can invest in those taxfrees or those silly "Green" stocks, not me. I'd be puttin' my money in a growth market. Gunzmakin' is boomin', if you'll pardon the expression. But there's other places to park that cash. Howzabout Baby Body Armor? Starting with Kevlar underoos and goin' right up to Ceramic vests and ballistic projectile helmet like these:
only half-pint sized for your little soldi--, oh, I'm sorry, my bad.

Well, I hope that these suggestions will be taken in the spirit in which they were given and that allathem folks who let their babeez go to school without they don't got no gunz will rethink their priorities. Cuz, y'know that book, "Why Johnny Can't Read"? Well, I don't know why YOUR Johnny can't read, but I know why the 20 tykes from Newtown can't; because their DEAD, that's how come.

I'm thinking of writing a book, "Why Johnny (and Joanie) Can't Triple-Tap The Classroom-O-Perp". It will be an indictment of the sad state of MurKKKin edumikashun where we teach kids usesless shit like music and painting when they should be learnin' about wound ballistics, combat entry/clearing techniques, battle field first aid and the like.

Moms and dads, you owe it to yourselves and your surviving little ones. Emphasize the NEW 3R's, Readin', Recconoiterin' and Rapid Response--with one of these suuuhweeeeeeeeeeeet LWRCI SPR***--it ain't your daddy's M16 (or your son's M4).
“Duck and cover”, my ass. As that commiefushcia fella  said at the Constitutional Convention  of 1787, and I’m quoting from the King James Version, here:
“Save a child by whackin’ a perp with a “9”, keep him safe,  for today. Teach a tyke how to handle HIS “9” and his own affairs, he’ll be safe, 4evahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
* Or as Weenie LaPutrid and his lot like to call it: "The Newtown, CT demonstration of people being slaughtered because they're too STUPID to arm themselves in primary schools"
** It will also be a plus for the prospective franchisee to have NO gag reflex, I'm just sayin'.


Anonymous said...

Pretty good blog, but the posts would look more elegant if you used html to embed those long Google links in a single word. It took me years to make this habitual.

Using "[" instead of "<", I will demonstrate.

It's like this...

[a href =]put words here[/a]

For example Tea Party Patriots


democommie said...


Thanks for stopping by. I appreciate your input but I think one or the other of my several learning disabilities gets in the way of my understanding what you're suggesting. I will look at it again in the morning.

Kevin Wood said...

harold makes sense, it is simply a more elegant way of putting in links.

BTW, I tried to email you, but the address you left at the woodshed didn't work. Hope you had a fine holiday season. You can email me at rev.paperboy(at)

Richard said...

I think what needs to happen is that the pictures of those 20 dead babies be made public...that in fact people be made to look at them so we can all see together what guns mean to our country. (Nice tip on the HTML, I'll be using that myself.

Richard said...

Fuckity fuck fuck. Just typed long response and lost it logging in. I'll drop you a line soon. I need a keyboard-this qwerty thing on the cell phone (I mean mobile device) takes too long.