Tuesday, October 13, 2009

For your edification, a recently discovered fragment from Genesis. Mr. Snake: "Honey, I'm home!" Mrs. Snake: "Oh, good, dinner's nearly ready; I just have to constrict a couple of more voles. How was your day?" Mr. Snake: "Oh, you know, same ol', same ol'. I slithered around in the garden for a while, curdled the cow's milk, scared the poop out of Eve--that kind of stuff. Oh, btw, if you haven't already done those voles, hold off. I had a late rat and I'm not terribly hungry." Mrs. Snake: "Oh, that's alright honey, we'll just have them for breakfast (if you don't mange them during the "Survivor--The Neolitihic Dinosaur Era" marathon, tonight). Say, did you take a meeting with the creator and straighten out that whole talking thing?" Mr. Snake: "Yeah, that was a waste of time. He says that it's just not part of the gig. It was a "one time" event, he got what he needed and we get the shit end of the stick. He says that although the downside is that we are feared, reviled and extirpated by those idiot Two Leggers--and have no way to explain what happended-- that there is an upside. We'll never have to tithe OR pay taxes. He thought his little joke was pretty hilarious, what a prick! I just wish I had hands for long enough to flip him off, the asshole!" Mrs. Snake: "Oh, honey, don't do that to yourself; YWHW kicks your ass around enough as it is (it's just an expression--snakes don't have asses). Hey, how about I fix you a nice V&A (Venom and Antivenon), light on teh "A", you kick back and watch some of those cobra/mongoose pornos and we just kick back and twine our brains out? The voles aren't going anywhere."

8 comments:

Southern Beale said...

LOL!

I guess one of the nice things about being a snake is to not have an ass to kick around.

I heard some wonderful lectures by the amazing Vanderbilt Divinity School scholar Amy-Jill Levine about the Old Testament and I came away concluding that the snake got a bum rap.

democommie said...

I love snakes, although I don't want to own any. They do pretty well considering their limitations.

Boy, ever since the election it's been 24/7 crazy sonsofbitches on most of the blogs I go to, yours among others. My old pal NOT, Serr8d has been lobbing some bombs over at Jesus' General blog. I honestly don't know how you folks put up with that kind of nonsense. If anyone has a valid argument, I'm willing to listen, even if I disagree with their entire precis. But when you have boorish, bullying clowns that attempt to shout down those they disagree with, it's not a debate.

Thanks for stopping by. You should show us some of your real work sometime.

Bukko_in_Australia said...

You would think that since they lost, and the economy has collapsed because of the bollocks set in motion by their boy Bush'it, and just about everything they purport to stand for has been proven wrong, that they'd shut the fuck up out of embarrassment. But noooo, they keep on yapping. When they lose their jobs and can't pay the bill for the Internets, then they'll be quiet.

Elizabeth said...

Very funny! Vole, mmm...

Cobra/mongoose action, huh? And they say snakes are cold-blooded!

democommie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
democommie said...

Elizabeth:

Thank you for stopping by, I think this blog has been made a better place by your presence.

Believe it or not, Rudyard Kipling had planned a whole series of adventures for Rikki Tikki Tavi the fearless mongoose of his "Jungle Book". However, the project was scrapped when a scandal erupted around R.T. Tavi's miscegnatory dalliances with a krait, two cobras and an ordinary garter snake. There were also uncorroborated accounts of his affair with a certain Mr. Chuchundra, a muskrat

Dave von Ebers said...

An affair with el Chupacabra?! What’s this world coming to.

democommie said...

Counsellor von Ebers:

I may be a beggar, but I'm a little choosier than THAT!